♥Monday, April 19, 2010♥
listeninq to Rude Boy , Rihanna .
currently chattinq with PerfectBbyGirl , CintaBaby <3
at homey all alone , feels like shyt ! hahaha !
can ai just drop dead , please .
sorry peeps , ddnt post yesterday . was just too fvckinq lazy ai quess ?
ai dont know whats wronq with mi , ai'm not myself since yesterday .
all ai could do was sit alone in my room and keep my eyes to my lappy .
just ddnt feel like talkinq to anyone . even mmy or my sisters .
hais , whats happeninq niy ? *looks down*
basically ai ddnt even step out of my homey , ai was stuck to my bed .
ai ddnt even move from my bed , until about 9pmplus .
aku peh mlayu bley tahan juqak ehh *keninq up up*
cheyy , kay dah . mepek .
ai qot nothinq to post about cause ai was at homey the whole fvckinq day -.-
just talk about random stuffs kays ? (:
ai've been cryinq alot this few days , but no one knows . ai even cried infront of elder sister , Sita .
why must he always make mi worried for him ? hais ,
ai was damn disappointed with him , cause he wasnt like this before .
what is makinq him chanqe this way ? ai dont mynd if he would to chanqe in a qood way .
but he's chanqinq in a bad way . he's takinq back all his bad habits , stimminq etc , and not qoinq school .
hais ):
tryinq to make him chanqe is damn hard siul , sumpah .
why must youuh chanqe love ? why must youuh do this kind of thinqs ?
dont youuh care about youuhre school anymore ? dont youuh care about youuhre coursework anymore ?
hais , ai tried my best to chanqe him back to the way he was back then .
but maybe my efforts are just not enouqh . how am ai qoinq to chanqe him if he dont wana listen ?
sadly , *sobs* he ddnt qo school today . cause he woke up late and he said he malas ):
what more could ai do ryte ? hais ):
ai stayed up the whole nyte , just to make sure he qoes school today . but ai quess my efforts are worthless .
whats happeninq niy ?!!!!!!!!!
*looks down*
CintaBaby is the only reason why ai'm still standinq stronq . without her , ai think ai woulld be in a mess now .
she's my strenqth , cause of her ai've not even thouqht of doinq stupid stuffs to myself .
if she's not around mi , ai dont know what ai've done to myself already .
can ai just drop dead , please . ai cant take it anymore .
worst still , abah is not here to cool mi down . aimissyouuh abah ! hais )':
ai was just about to start to enjoy my life , tryinq to forqet about everythinq that happened .
but all my efforts to try to be happy is now ruined .
is this how thinqs are meant to be ?
ai'm tryinq to , ai just hope that youuh found the ryte qirl for youuh .
the qirl that can take qood care of youuh , can always be there for youuh .
the qirl that can lead youuh to a better life ahead .
ai'm tryinq to be stronq to face facts that youuhre qone , but ai only want whats best for youuh .
have a qood future , and lead a qood life .
ai'll accept the fact on who youuhre with now , but please dont throw away youuhre studies .
ai've done that mistake , so did other people . and we all reqret of not continue-inq school .
ai know maybe my words wont mean much to youuh anymore . but as for someone who have went thru life more than youuh ,
just try to think of what ai said .
ai went thru the hardship of life , workinq is not as easy as youuh think it is .
and worst still youuhre a quy , youuh'll have to support youuhre wife and children later on in the future .
how are youuh qoinq to qet a qood job without papers ?
think lah kay , use youuhre brain to think .
yes ai know , everyone wants to enjoy . smuer nak happy-happy .
tapy fikir lah kay , enjoy nanty-nanty bley pah . sekaranq blajar betol-betol dulu lah .
dah 18tahun aku hidop , hidop tak sesenanq yanq kornq fikir .
denqar-denqar 600 to 700 bucks is enouqh to support the whole family ?
untuk diri sendiri blom tentu cukup , nak support the family .
law takde surat-surat yanq diperlukan , nak keje sebaqai aper ?
sampai biler mau keje qaji cumer 600 to 700 bucks ?
fikir lah kay . fikir .
ai've been membebel-inq alot for this past few days , which ai myself is not sure why .
ai sound more like a mother siul -.-
youuh think ai enjoy doinq this ? no ai dont . ai have to text youuh when its already late ,
just to ask youuh where are youuh . and ai have to text youuh in the morninq just to ask youuh whether youuhre awake .
ai'm doinq somethinq which is not even my job .
now youuh may not realise what ai'm doinq for youuh . but one day youuh will .
aku dah jady cam mak ornq siul sekaranq . ishk , tak kuh sanqka tak kuh duqa jacko .
cam , ader ciri-ciri jady mak ornq tak aku ? hahahha !
criously siak , braper hary niy ehh . aku peh keje cumer tawu nak membebel je .
pat mmy pon aku membebel . sampai mmy tanyer aku , aper jady nqan aku .
conversation with mmy ,
mmy ; kau dah kenaper niy ? asek membebel je . terinqin ehh jady mak ?
mi ; otak mmy ! tak tawu lah , mulut ita niy asek tak bley diam je siul .
mmy ; pasal aper pulak niy anak aku jady cam niy ?
mi ; entah ? *looks down*
mmy ; apersal niy ? come mehh , citer kat mmy siket .
mmy ; kau simpan-simpan , lamer-lamer kau jady qiler baru kau tawu !
mi ; thanks ehh mmy . harapkan ornq jady qiler pe ?!
mmy ; *lauqhs* tak lah , siniy come . bubal nqan mmy . what happen ?
mi ; entah lah my , ornq stress uhh . tak bley take it sehh ):
mi ; _ _ _ asek taknak py skola , abey dier bilanq ornq dier tak bley ambek nlevel sehh my .
mmy ; ehh , asal _ _ _ jady cam tuh ? rabak nyer , sampai tak bley ambek nnlevel ?
mi ; tuh pasal uhh , itu yanq ornq tak tawu . _ _ _ bilanq ornq yanq dier tak bley ambek mid-year exams .
mi ; pasal attendance dier rabak . dier baru-baru niy asek tak py skola .
mmy ; asal pulak dier tak qy skola ?
mi ; dier kater dier malas , hais ):
mmy ; dah lah , takmu nanqes kay . minahrep bey nanqes ? aper dah !
mi ; ehh ! mmy niy sembaranq je ehh ! minahrep ? sejak biler siak ornq minahrep ?
mmy ;*lauqhs* tak lah , mmy qurau je . *smiles*
mi ; babidoll ! *looks down*
mmy ; dah lah ta , takmu sedeh-sedeh laqy kay . mmy nyer advice to youuh ,
mmy ; try youuhre best to chanqe him back to the old him lah , see what youuh can do .
mi ; ornq dah try my , tak bley juqak . susah uhh my . _ _ _ deqil nak mampos ,
mi ; susah luh dier nak denqar cakap ornq . laqy-laqy ornq nqan dier sekaranq dah tak cam dulu .
mi ; law kiter cam dulu , bley lah ornq brubahkan dier .
mmy ; kalaw dier deqil then ader susah siket , try bubal nqan dier ?
mi ; dah my , dah . ornq dah try macam-macam chare sehh , sampai otak niy pon nak pecah sak .
mi ; otak ornq dah out of ways sia my .
mmy ; dah lah , takmu fikirkan sanqat kay . just try to open his eyes . tuh je mmy bley cakap .
mi ; hais , susah lah my . _ _ _ padehal dah promise ornq sehh yanq dier takkan ^stim^ laqy and dier py skola tiap hary ):
mmy ; aik ! promise yanq dier takkan ^stim^ laqy ? cam samer promise je yanq kau penah uwat kat dier ?
*both lauqh like mad people*
mi ; aah , ornq dulu penah promise dier . bey sekaranq dier nyer turn lak . tapy ornq takot dier break promise .
mmy ; insyaallah dier tak break promise lah kay . tak sanqke ehh _ _ _ brubah sampai cam qytuh .
mmy ; mmy disappointed nqan dier siul . dier dulu qood-qood je ehh ,
mi ; tawu takpe . dulu dier tiap hary py skola , tak penah ^stim^ sekaranq ? huh .
mi ; takyah bubal laqy uhh my , otak ornq bley pecah uhh niy macam .
mmy ; dah , jom kiter tenqok teevee .
and the mepek-mepek conversation between mi and mmy takyah share lah ehh .
hahahaha !
not important siul , aku nqan mmy law bubal mepek , maha mepek siak .
so yeaah , that was the conversation that ai had with mmy .
air mater qua jatoh depan mmy jacko !
naseb baek mmy tak menqamok siul , mmy understand understood uhh situation aku sekaranq .
dah lah , enouqh of talkinq about that kay , aku dary tady bubal pasal dier je .
ty readers pon naek mendak bohh *smies*
this is for ES , fiqure it out youuhre self who youuh are kays .
well , as youuh know . youuh and mi have not been talkinq at all since that shyt happened .
but here's a short msq for youuh aye , as youuh said youuh dont hold any hard feelinqs towards mi ?
are youuh sure about that ? cause ai'm not stupid .
ai know whats happeninq around mi . ai know it even if ai'm not there to witness it .
youuh dont talk to mi at all , eventhouqh ai'm online . but youuh talk to BPS .
tellinq her that youuh wana myt up with her , and talkinq about normal stuffs with her .
but youuh dont even say a word to mi . hhahaha .
kay , ai know . youuh know BPS lonqer than mi , and ai know damn much that youuh want her back .
but not mi . cause to youuh , youuh think that ai took her away from youuh .
well , ai've never talked to youuh this way before . ai've kept my mouth shut all this time .
maybe now is the time to let out everythinq ?
its not my fault that youuh couldnt take qood care of her back then ,
its not my fault that youuh ddnt qive her the love and attention from a sister that she wanted .
its not my fault that ai could sacrifice all my time for her when she's down and could qo to her crib to keep her company ,
its not my fault that ai made myself free to be with her and feed her food when she ddnt have the mood to eat .
its not my fault that ai was actually beside her when her tears rolled down her cheeks ,
its not my fault that ai was the one who was always with her instead of youuh .
its not my fault that ai'm willinq to sacrifice my sleep just to wake her up for "HIS" courtcase ,
its not my fault that ai actually cared .
ITS NOT MY FAULT , GET THAT RYTE .
if youuh really loved her more than ai do , as youuh said .
then why are youuh not the one who's doinq all those stuffs for her ?
WHY ?
ai just only knew her siul , youuh knew her lonqer . and youuh said that she's youuhre adq tersayanq .
but why youuhre not the one who's beside her when she's facinq that shyt at the courtcase ?!
it was supposed to be youuh , not mi . cause youuh said YOUUH LOVE HER MORE . so why am ai the one next to her ?
ai dont have to sacrifice for her actually , but ai did . why ? cause ai care . and ailoveher .
youuh said youuh love her , but why youuhre not there ?
when she's at her worst , youuh were the one she nyded . but maybe because of what youuh did ,
made her come to mi . so its not my fault .
ai'm sorry for sayinq this words to youuh , but please dont blame others for youuhre actions .
whatever it is , ai'm takinq qood care of her . she fyne , and she will always be when ai'm around .
youuh dont have to worry about anythinq kay , ai'm takinq care of her now .
whatever it is , ai'll try my best to always make her smile .
ai dont know what did ai do wronq . if to youuhre eyes , ai'm wronq then ai'm sorry .
but ai just showed her the love and attention she nyded .
so yeaah , ai'm sorry if youuh think ai took her away from youuh .
but one thinq for sure , think back first before youuh blame mi kays .
kay dah , sorry for any of the words ai said in this post . well , as youuh know . youuh and mi have not been talkinq at all since that shyt happened .
but here's a short msq for youuh aye , as youuh said youuh dont hold any hard feelinqs towards mi ?
are youuh sure about that ? cause ai'm not stupid .
ai know whats happeninq around mi . ai know it even if ai'm not there to witness it .
youuh dont talk to mi at all , eventhouqh ai'm online . but youuh talk to BPS .
tellinq her that youuh wana myt up with her , and talkinq about normal stuffs with her .
but youuh dont even say a word to mi . hhahaha .
kay , ai know . youuh know BPS lonqer than mi , and ai know damn much that youuh want her back .
but not mi . cause to youuh , youuh think that ai took her away from youuh .
well , ai've never talked to youuh this way before . ai've kept my mouth shut all this time .
maybe now is the time to let out everythinq ?
its not my fault that youuh couldnt take qood care of her back then ,
its not my fault that youuh ddnt qive her the love and attention from a sister that she wanted .
its not my fault that ai could sacrifice all my time for her when she's down and could qo to her crib to keep her company ,
its not my fault that ai made myself free to be with her and feed her food when she ddnt have the mood to eat .
its not my fault that ai was actually beside her when her tears rolled down her cheeks ,
its not my fault that ai was the one who was always with her instead of youuh .
its not my fault that ai'm willinq to sacrifice my sleep just to wake her up for "HIS" courtcase ,
its not my fault that ai actually cared .
ITS NOT MY FAULT , GET THAT RYTE .
if youuh really loved her more than ai do , as youuh said .
then why are youuh not the one who's doinq all those stuffs for her ?
WHY ?
ai just only knew her siul , youuh knew her lonqer . and youuh said that she's youuhre adq tersayanq .
but why youuhre not the one who's beside her when she's facinq that shyt at the courtcase ?!
it was supposed to be youuh , not mi . cause youuh said YOUUH LOVE HER MORE . so why am ai the one next to her ?
ai dont have to sacrifice for her actually , but ai did . why ? cause ai care . and ailoveher .
youuh said youuh love her , but why youuhre not there ?
when she's at her worst , youuh were the one she nyded . but maybe because of what youuh did ,
made her come to mi . so its not my fault .
ai'm sorry for sayinq this words to youuh , but please dont blame others for youuhre actions .
whatever it is , ai'm takinq qood care of her . she fyne , and she will always be when ai'm around .
youuh dont have to worry about anythinq kay , ai'm takinq care of her now .
whatever it is , ai'll try my best to always make her smile .
ai dont know what did ai do wronq . if to youuhre eyes , ai'm wronq then ai'm sorry .
but ai just showed her the love and attention she nyded .
so yeaah , ai'm sorry if youuh think ai took her away from youuh .
but one thinq for sure , think back first before youuh blame mi kays .
thankyouuh ,
takecare , bye .
I cant get enough of your love ♥
@ 9:07 PM
@ 9:07 PM
